I had fled the decadence and grit of capital life from City airport’s Americano-scented terminal. Compared to the barely disguised frenetic energy of well-fattened business bods hovering get richer boss porn in the bookshop, Arran provided a peaceful antidote. Located within the Firth of Clyde, between Ayrshire and Kintyre, the island of glens, golf and no grey squirrels is just 19 miles by 10. In summer, the population of 5,000, which is spread over 15 villages, swells to 20,000 – not that you’d ever feel in a crowd unless you attempted a purchase at the island’s busy toiletry firm, ‘Arran Aromatics’. Go there to inhale the sweet smell of success.
The varied landscape makes it a geographers paradise, attested to by web site, ‘Arran Fieldtrip’ which makes the catchy claim: ‘excellent composite intrusions display a suite of cogenetic, igneous rocks…’ Exactly. Sports fanatics can swing their clubs over seven golf courses (avoiding roe deer lawnmowers), or sea kayak, cycle and mountain trek. The most interesting of these protrusions vaguely mimics the image of a warrior sleeping on his back, whilst the highest, Goat Fell, meaning ‘Mountain of Wind’, rises to nearly 3,000ft. The latter was the scene of a gruesome murder in 1889 when, the story goes, a Scotsman and an Englishman went up a hill and only one came down alive…
But aside from fells and forts, what is there for journalists?
’20 years ago there were 42 pubs – now there are just 13′ advised taxi driver, George to our lively and curious press pack, gathered from all-over the U.K. including an Englishman, Irish(woman) and a Scotsman… Sensing disappointment, he added, ‘that’s including the ones in your hotel!’
We wound along the 13mile ‘string road’ from main town, Brodick where (sounding like an anti-seasickness pill) the ‘Calmac’ ferry had docked, towards Blackwater’s Best Western Kinloch Hotel. Palm trees grow here thanks to the same gulfstream that enabled exotic flora to flower in that great British horror, ‘The Wicker Man’. Rather than ‘Corn rigs and barley’ and ‘The Landlord’s Daughter’, noting breathtaking views towards the Mull of Kintyre, my inner stylus settled on Wings’ greatest hit, set to loop for the entirety of the three-night stay.
Breaking a gap of 160 years, the stills of Arran’s only legal distillery were fired-up in June 1995, breaking a dry spell of 160 years. It would take another three years and a day for the barrel aged spirit to be technically recognised as Scotch. I was particularly impressed with their rich, cask strength (55%) ‘Sassicaia’ Wine Cask release – finished in barrels from Italy’s sexiest Super Tuscan wine.
Apparently, when the Queen came for the opening day, a pair of golden eagles, which nest nearby, did a fly past. Our kilted guide explained this as a thank you to builders forced to halt construction whilst chicks were hatched. When I asked where they were on our visit, he wryly offered to ‘get their remote control out’.
Naturally filtered through granite, pure, plentiful water is drawn from Loch na Davie. Curiously, the most striking characteristic of its taste, peat, is considered undesirable, never making it into the finished product.
The owner of Arran’s brewery prefers the water exactly as it is. Whilst this young brewery was founded the same year as me (1980), beer has actually been made on the island for more than 4,000 years. I liked their nutty ‘Red Squirrel’, a special brew which raises funds to build ‘rope bridges’ for the rouge rodents. Rather wickedly, I wondered what effect a front-page photo-shopped image of a grey squirrel doing battle with a red would have on the local rag’s letters page.
Good restaurants I encountered included the ‘Brodick Bar’ and ‘Wine Port’, owned by the same area man impresario who review sites describe as ‘exceptionally rude’ (although I found all staff disappointingly mild). From a blackboard menu, well-executed dishes rather exotically fused Mediterranean, Japanese and British genres with pretty touches like edible nasturtiums, although a décor seemingly constructed from squares became a tad tiresome.
The best and worst food moments occurred at what was the island’s busiest farm, since gentrified into a cute shopping site. To describe a couple of shivering operatives adding 13 flavours to imported Cheddar as a ‘Cheese Experience’ was perhaps an overstatement. But the medley of cooked seafood at ‘Creelers’, opposite, more than made up for it. This small fish restaurant with enthusiastic amateur paintings and murals is bolted onto a smokehouse. It gets its name from the creel cages used to catch what you crack.
From the Arran Chocolate Factory nearby (actually, nothing is ever far), I ate a large proportion of my weight in ‘tablet’, best defined as being like toffee, but not as chewy, and like fudge, but more grainy. A guide to the popular treat praised it as ‘a wee bit of heaven in an otherwise dreich country.’ Apart from Champagne and ginger truffles and the obligatory whisky centred ones, I found it amusing to see names born out of exasperation, e.g. ‘the raspberry one’.
Noticing a fellow passenger from our group shell one from silver foil, which looked like lame, I was chided for not having ever tried a Tunnock’s Chocolate Mallow quoit, made south of Glasgow. But as I put the biscuit-based, marshmallow-stuffed, chocolate-covered morsel into my mouth, I sensed a kilter in the ferry. ‘You’ve eaten so much you’re tilting the boat’ said a cool voice nearby.
Whilst convenient, flying back from Glasgow didn’t allow a gradual transition from island time back to London time. Watching the luggage carousel unfurl its cargo, initially evocative of a sushi belt, I did begin to miss Arran. It is true that we had been spoilt with splendid weather – that weekend almost all of the rest of the U.K. had received the pity of God’s tears. Regardless, even if there had been rain, I would still have appreciated the fresh, green beauty of an island remarkably unscarred by people, despite the fact that they have inhabited it for more than 10,000 years.
Mr. Icke, I’m glad you were wrong.
For more information on planning your perfect break to Scotland, visit: www.visitscotland.com/perfectday
For information on Ayrshire & Arran visit: www.ayrshire-arran.com
Accommodation: http://www.bw-kinlochhotel.co.uk/
Ferries: www.calmac.co.uk