Gifting is a tricky business. Not least since they christened it with that grammatically dubious title. Linguistics aside, we present to you a snazzy selection of swag to suit allsorts.

Beat It Drumstick Chopsticks 

Fusing together a love for food and music, we’ll be whipping these out on a foray to the new Bone Daddies noodle joint in Soho- although we’ll reserve from drumming them on the table.

Available from Lakeland, £8.99

Hot Cookie USB Warmer

A teabreak’s a great excuse for getting away from the computer. Keep a work-shy colleague desk-bound with a cookie-shaped USB cup warmer. Now he’ll be off on a biscuit forage…

Available from Firebox, £8.99

Bibimbap bowl 

Essential for preparing that most balanced Korean dish known to man, bibimbap, heating this bowl with a splash of sesame oil will give you that authentic, gloriously crackling rice crust.

Available from Sous Chef, £25

The Cook’s Christmas Crackers 

Make sure Christmas dinner goes off with a suitably gastronomic bang with Fortnum’s fine crackers, containing useful kitchen paraphernalia like miniature muddlers and whisks.

Available from Fortnum & Mason, £50

Mobile Beer Bar

Any hop fan would be frothing with excitement at receiving this sleek silver state-of-the-art specimen, which can even be’pimped’ with a barbeque grill.

Available from Firebox, from £7,300

‘Grandpa’s Campfire’ Kettle, Teapot and Campfire

A witty and whimsical Waltons-esque way to boil up a brew, this rustic ceramic teapot keeps toasty sat atop the’campfire’ with a tealight set in the centre.

Available from Pedlar’s, £40.95/£43 (items sold separately)

‘Horned Beauty’ Bottle Opener 

Proving objects can be both beautiful and useful, this bottle opener is hewn from naturally shed reindeer antlers. Each individual piece is unique, yet strangely ergonomic.

Available from Anthropologie, £24

Sparkling Gold Cuvee 

Get guests positively fizzing with excitement at brunch by rolling out this cuvee flecked with real gold flakes. Then shatter the dead posh illusion by rolling out the Lidl smoked salmon.

Available from Firebox, £35.99

Milk Bottle Measuring Cups 

A set of US cup measures is always useful, and for the aesthete, this ceramic set which stacks to form an old-fashioned milk bottle is a particularly pleasing way to keep some to hand.

Available from Anthropologie, £22

Porcelain Sugar Pot 

Looking for all the world like a high-shine tin of Heinz’ finest, this porcelain pot is actually designed to hold your sugar stash. Blingin’, indeed.

Available from Pedlar’s, £17.95

Japanese Boiled Egg Moulds 

There’s room for a spot of novelty at Christmas- and not just within the ‘knitted jumpers’ arena. Use these moulds to fashion malleable boiled eggs into amusing animals.

Avaiable from Sous Chef, £4.50

Cupcake Toothpaste 

Some people refuse to move on. If they’re still smearing everything with buttercream, put the icing on the cake with this cupcake toothpaste, delivered with your frostiest smile.

Available from Firebox, £5.99

The Letteroom Jellytastic Personalised Jelly Mould 

Cement a wobbly friendship with a personalised jelly mould- or tell someone just what you think of them in a mere 14 characters. Twitter never looked so verbose.

Available from Notonthehighstreet, £11.99

‘Edible Selby’ by Todd Selby 

In a rather nice display of graphic foodism, Todd Selby’s tome takes you into the kitchens of 40 foodie creatives through portrait, illustration and hand-written prose.

Available from Anthropologie, £22.99

‘How To Make Soft Cheese’ by Gerard Baker 

The Hairy Biker’s favourite food historian imparts all the info required to make your Christmas even cheesier than you thought, including tips on technique and recipes.

Available from Lakeland, £3.99

Boombox Chopping Board 

As Nicki Minaj might have it, boombadoomboomboombadoomboomboom, he got that super bass. He will have if he uses this hardwaring chopping board for fish prep.

Available from Firebox, £14.99

Ella James £50 Note Teatowel

Who wouldn’t like to find a tightly-rolled £50 in their stocking? Particularly when it’s so handy in getting that tower of crystal Champagne glasses so sparklingly dry.

Available from Notonthehighstreet, £8.50

Fridge Locker

Have a mate who has to scrawl their name all over their milk lest it go astray at the hands of pilfering flatmates? Sticking their groceries in this cage will prevent culinary crimes.

Available from Firebox, £19.99

‘Make Your Own Cumberland Sausage’ Kit 

Get your carnivorous mates in a whirl with the wherewithal to churn out their very own curly bangers, each clocking in at a lengthy 25cm. Impressive.

Available from Lakeland, £8.99

Twisted Twee Children’s Chore Chart Teatowel  

Encourage young enterprise by chucking this chart child-wards. The amount of drying-up determines the reward earned- just be sure the sink’s stacked high through to New Year.

Available from Notonthehighstreet, £10

Steak Saws 

Men, mean and DIY. An enduring triumvirate stylishly surmised by these workmanlike tools robust enough to saw through even the toughest hunk of protein.

Available from Firebox, £19.99

‘Take A Break’ Food Tin 

Extreme office hunger is always an emergency in our humble opinion- so this fire-alarm tin is likely to be pressed into service with’alarming’ regularity.

Available from Lakeland, £7.99

MyHaus ‘Breakfast Express’ 

All aboard the Breakfast Express…Get your other half in’train’-ing  to master the perfect boiled egg- then get them to serve it to you in this ceramic caboose.

Available from Notonthehighstreet, £65

‘My Cuppa’ Mugs 

The family cuppa round’s always a pain at Christmas- and trying to describe 50 shades of tea is no easy task. Much easier to point out your preference on these mugs’ nifty colour chart.

Available from Firebox, £9.99

JP Ceramics Biscuit Teacups 

A cuppa’s not right without a biscuit. If someone’s trying to cut down, keep them sweet with a dainty teacup with a jammy dodger for a handle.

Available from Notonthehighstreet, £15

Cocktail Recipe Stirrers 

Too many cocktails wiped your memory?  These ingenious stirrers clip to the side of a glass ensuring perfect proportions for half-a-dozen classic beverages.

Available from Lakeland, £7.99

‘Colour Me Drunk’ Colouring Book 

Good for occupying those people who are fans of queuing for two hours outside this week’s coolest restaurant until they should deign to seat you.

Available from Firebox, £10.99

Addject ‘Hoodie’ Bottle Opener 

‘Da yoof’are partial to a drink or three, and will no doubt enjoy a handy tool that caters so aptly to their demographic. Does not also come in Hoxton Hipster attire.

Available from Notonthehighstreet, £8

Working Toy Kenwood Mixer 

Get the little’uns in training early- and keep them out of your hair- with this working mixer that’ll keep them happy whizzing up pancake batter and cake mix.

Available from Great Little Trading Co., £25

Camera Lens Mug 

Sit back and pour yourself a soothing cuppa whilst the blogger brigade snap away at the rapidly-cooling plate of tucker you’re yearning to get down your neck.

Available from Firebox, £14.99

Colloco’Love or Hate’ Oven Mitt

Even macho men are susceptible to nasty burns from a malicious grill rack. Keep them safe, masculinity intact, with this well butch oven mitt.

Available from Notonthehighstreet, £14

Forge de Laguiole Ham Knife 

Give the recipient of this artisan-crafted ham knife the chance to shine at the Boxing Day buffet- just make sure they’re fully schooled in the art of the clean carve-up.

Available from The Conran Shop, £250

Christmas Pudding Baubles

Pledge your allegiance to the cause of foodie-ism by extending the edible theme to your decorations. They don’t just look tasty- this jolly pair jingle, too.

Available from Lakeland, £8.99

Takoyaki Pan

No, not for mini donuts or aebelskiver- this baby’s for whipping up a batch of the notoriously tricksy, ridiculously addictive little octopus-batter balls called takoyaki. Sweet Japanese mayo not included.

Avaiable from Sous Chef, £38

Telephoto Cooking Timer 

For the home cook who likes to Instagram the results. Just be sure they don’t try and jam it on their upmarket SLR and start whinging about how they’ve lost their focus.

Available from Firebox, £11.99

MyHaus ‘Full English Breakfast’ Plate 

This plate features a hyper-real photo-image of the national institution that is the Full English. Careful what’s served on it- a puny salad might leave you feeling hard done-by.

Available from Notonthehighstreet, £15

Christmas Tea Towel 

Everyone needs a festive novelty teatowel in their life, and this stylish’Twelve Days of Christmas number shows a little more sartorial awareness than many of its gaudier counterparts.

Available from Pedlar’s, £11.50

Cold Cube Granite Stirrer 

You could have a bawdy old time guessing what this one’s for. It needs pre-chilling (oo-er), but despite the Nan-alarming appearance, it’s innocently used to stir and cool a beverage.

Available from Anthropologie, £24

FieldCandy’What a Melon’ Tent 

The festival season is increasingly littered with food-and-music jams. Ensure your mates have the tastiest residence this summer with this two-man tent, handy for fruity shenanigans.

Available from Firebox, £495

Vinyl Village Vinyl Record Cake Stand

Those pesky cupcakes aren’t going away any time soon, so minimise their twee twaddle by displaying them on this rockin’ cake stand featuring a trio of vintage gems.

Available from Notonthehighstreet, £25

‘Kitchen Kong’ Whisk 

This novelty utensil might encourage someone to stop their monkeying around in the kitchen and start tuning out some seriously smooth sauces.

Available from Lakeland, £13.99

Large Gummi Bear-on-a-Stick 

There’s just something curiously compelling about Man Vs. Food-style  grandiose gustatory creations. This super-sized gummi bear is a (manageable) case in point.

Available from Firebox, £14.99

Cooking String

Rather a Scrooge-like gift at first glance, this durable string is actually the business for anyone into a spot of pud-steaming or amateur butchery- heat resistant, food safe and very, very handy.

Avaiable from Sous Chef, £2.50