A long time ago I went on the Atkins diet. I’m not going to make a scathing funny guy joke about the diet, it frickin worked. It worked its ass off. I went from 22 stone to about 14 in roughly six months. It was heaven for a fat dude. I plummeted in weight by eating steak, pepperamis, pork scratchings, bacon, prawns, lettuce, peppers, anchovies, biltong, pistachios, cheese, chorizo and broccoli. Only problem was going out drinking, that kinda sucked.

I can’t stand the taste of Diet Coke. I drank so much diet coke during the diet, it really sucked. Any variation still sucks. I did Pepsi Max, I did Coke Zero, I did the lot, ya get me. I’ll never willingly order them again. 7UP Free did rock for a while and if I went back to dieting, I’d go straight back to that, mainly because there was really never any choice.

Now – I’m not kissing Skinny V’s XXX. Yeah, I know, it’s that time when I introduce a product. How bloody predictable. But that’s seriously when I’d buy it. Do you realise how little there is to drink if you’re cutting out hydrosugar-gits and other gits from your intake? So, if there was a bunch of new flavours of drinks that has absolutely zero bad stuff, calories and carbs it’d be worth a shot. Definitely.

So, Skinny V shouldn’t be drunk casually at room temperature. That would be stupid. That’s what I did. Cos I’m an idiot. Then I tried it cold, over ice, with gin. I love you gin. Then flirted with a bit of vodka. Stopped there, school night and all. Fair play, it’s nice. I’m still a water guy, which some people think is really weird. Some people need flavour, I totally get that; those other guys though, the ones who say they don’t like the taste of water. Yeah, you know them. We’ve all met them. What the heck are they on about??

Who cares. Thing is, I go hardcore when I cut things out. So I choose not to have gas or anything else. I choose the only pure thing. Still water. Everyone needs the fizz though, come on. Makes your tongue all weird and stuff. Apparently gets you drunk quicker. I’m not saying that a really good thing, but, you know, I’m not saying that’s also a really bad thing. We poppin bottles up in here. Aint no poppin wiv dem still bottles.

G&T is my drink. I have no idea what a G&T drinker is like, if they’re like me, they’re a complete tosser. So I like them. If I want a cold fizzy drink and 100% assured that I’m not putting any rubbish into my system, I’d do Skinny V. Are you bothered about the flavours? Yeah, I got more info for you. You might as well find out because it’s worth trying, some people will be over the moon with learning all this stuff.

The apple flavour isn’t as strong and tangy as, say, Apple Sourz. It’s softer. Goes well with gin actually, everything goes well with gin. I think G&T drinkers pour out love poems to gin. That’s a gin drinker. You can mix the apple one with wine to make a spritzer I’m told, I’ll give that a go. Now the berry one tastes a bit like Oasis, and I like Oasis. It used to sponsor something on tv I liked too, think it was Celebrity Juice. Tell you what, if you like Celebrity Juice, you’d drink Skinny V.

There’s also a peach flavour, which is the strongest out of the three. That’s nice as it is, no need to add the booze there. Except for gin. Sorry gin. I love you. Anyway, you’ve got plenty of venues giving it the thumbs up so it’s not horse wee. If you really don’t want to put any garbage of any type into your body, it’s for you. If you want a guaranteed I didn’t drink anything to affect my chosen dietary path, it’s for you. There’s more variety at last. Halle-bloody-lujah.