9-13 Bloomsbury Street London WC1B 3QD steakandlobster.com

Is it like Burger and Lobster? I have no idea. Never been to Burger and Lobster. Can we move on now? That was the obvious pachyderm in the Jacuzzi, purely because of the name. I’m not sure what the effect of putting’and Lobster’ at the end of your name does really. I’d go to’Burger’. I’d go to’Steak’. Maybe’Marcus and Lobster’ would be a good name change. Hmmm.

Steak and Lobster. I’m pretty sure you understand the format here. Arguably one may think it’s pretty obvious to change the’and’ to an’or’, but no, come on, have them both! Up sell! Up sell! Chances are you’re not going to eat alone in these places, so choose who does steak and who does lobster? Share, right? It’s not rocket science. Plus both options are good, so everyone’s a winner. Nice restaurant idea. Rubbish board game idea. Everyone wins? Get lost.

For argument’s sake let’s call’Nibbles’ the starters – one of those tapas-mezze-sharey style systems of ordering a load and everyone keeping count on how many pieces of each dish everyone else has eaten. It’s democracy gosh darn it. Or is it socialism? Whichever the one is where everyone gets equal amounts, that’s the system. That goes for the vegetarians too.

From the Nibbles list – the prawn and lobster cakes, with a lime and coriander dressing is good. Little crunch. Not shy on the crustacean. The dressing kicks it. Chargrilled steak bites with dijonnaise is self-explanatory brutal amazingness. Just the right size for an all-in-oner and each one’s succulent. The show-stealer is the garlic and herb foccacia – I mean, it could have been a bread-day where any bread was going to make me have flashbacks to Mighty White ham sandwiches before school, but this bread, for whatever reason, was really, really good.

I’m not sure whether I was the steak or the lobster for main course. We did the obvious route of sharing, so they kinda got placed in the middle, without any allegiance. The Switzerland spot of the dinner table. Usually reserved for condiments unless someone has made a specific request for a sauce. Then it goes next to them. It’s mine. My precious.

The steak is good. The lobster is good. I’m not sure really where to go from there, I mean, unless someone really destroys either ingredient then you’re not going to notice. It’ll be a good meal, I’ll be a happy customer. The only time you really properly remember a good steak or lobster is when some clever person has gone and found an incredible supply and you can taste the quality in the animal. Maybe we’re all spoilt for good produce these days. These are fine examples of how to cook a good one. Or two. Or both. They’re both good. Eat them.

Both come served with unlimited fries and a mixed salad. I love the word’unlimited’. The standard of fries has gone up since I was a kid. It’s hard to find any soggy rubbish ones anymore. These are the crispy, skinny with a cheeky jab of salt kinda fries. They’re good. The salad’s fresh and the garlic & chive butter goes with both the steak and the lobster – hey, what were the chances of that??? Other sauces are available, of course. Usual peppercorn, but a couple of interesting ones like spices lime, cilantro and coconut or stilton and red wine.

The desserts are as American as Obama eating a Maccy Ds at The Superbowl on Thanksgiving. Still to get my calling for a banana split, so the chocolate cheesecake and knickerbocker glory got selected. A nice deep and soft chocolate in the cheesecake, smacked around by the onslaught of the knickerbockers glory spoonfuls. Banging.

Should you go? Yeah. Lunchtime was busy and they were fully booked for the following couple of nights dinner service, so they have to be doing something right. It’s a friendly place, love the staff, the food’s great and no quarrels with the pricing. It’s not like they’re charging a tenner for a ham sandwich. Personally, I’d go and choose the steak and not share it with whoever you’re with, just to see how they react. Go for their lobster, stay for your own steak.