Oh God I love squirty cream, the stuff that comes in pressurised tins. I know I shouldn’t but just like Heinz Salad Cream or Findus Crispy Pancakes it’s something that sets off chords in my heart, the memory of sticking the nozzle in my mouth and hanging onto the trigger until cream shot out of my nose and ears is simply too vivid to forget

Other people, so I am told, found other sensual pleasures in squirty cream but I never found anyone prepared to try it with me and now it’s too late ‘I grow old . . . I grow old . . I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.’ Etc.

Anyway, now I can have my cream and eat it because LEON are launching a new retro dessert as of April 26th. They’ve even gone as far as engineering their own ‘squirty’ cream from proper Jersey cream for authenticity.

The London chain is launching LEON Banana Split. Invented in “a fit of nostalgia”, a split fair-trade banana holding three scoops of organic ice-cream, drizzled with Artisan du Chocolat salted caramel sauce, squirted liberally with whipped organic cream, and topped with candied almonds, Montezuma’s 73% chocolate flakes and a cocktail umbrella. “It’s the kind of outrageous treat that could cheer you up after the worst day at school – a pudding the size of your head”, says co-founder Henry Dimbleby.

The Leon Banana Split will be available in all LEON branches from 6pm. Priced at £5,