Douglas Blyde goes to prison. No, not as punishment for his purple prose, but to sample the food at the Clink, the only restaurant in the UK to be located inside a prison. Not only did he rather enjoy this unique experience, he was even allowed out to offend again.

Part two of our Peak District visit finds us checking out the glories of Chatsworth, and rifling through the Duke’s rooms, gardens and restaurant.

Continuing our tour of the Peak District we visited the Bakewell Show; an annual riot of food, drink, cattle, dogs, manure, mud, wellies, dogs, smells, jousting knights, dogs and farm machinery that can take your arm off in seconds.

I’ve always wanted a KitchenAid. Yes I know it’s ‘only’ a food mixer, but that’s like saying an Aston Martin is just a car. I mean just look at the KitchenAid! How can you not want to own and show off something like that? Not want to run your hand over its supple curves, to stroke its handsome little beater, to gaze at your hunky reflection in its lovely shiny bowl?

Livers fried with shallots, brandy and fresh thyme until soft, breasts cooked to pink perfection. Douglas Blyde stalks, shoots and eats the first grouse of the season in the company of South African Chef, Pete Gottgens

It looks like the aftermath of some terrible nameless war; people staggering about dazed and more than a little confused, their clothes covered in mud and debris. There are some shapeless lumps of human life on the grass half concealed by blankets, whilst others are supporting each other as they walk. All over the carnage hangs a thin pall of smoke. Welcome to Standon Calling.

The Tuscan olive oil harvest time is almost here. Read more about this liquid gold and how you can be present as the olives come down from the trees. Plus we have a great competition too.

From working at Washington’s ‘Watergate’ to opening Las Vegas’ ‘Playboy Bunny’, Jacques Van Staden now has a new ambition – for his upmarket restaurant on ‘Celebrity Equinox’ to be the first at sea to win a Michelin star. In advance of its naming,Douglas Blyde made haste to Southampton to appraise the newest and most environmentally friendly cruise ship.

TV Presenter turned ‘Godhead’, David Icke predicted that by Christmas 1991, great earthquakes would obliterate Cuba, Greece and the Isle of Arran. Despite evidence of volcanic activity some 60 million years ago, I am glad to report that my recent visit to what has been branded ‘Scotland in Miniature’ proved his prognosis ‘marginally faulty’.

This is Allens butchers in Mayfair and we are gathered around a chopping block the size of a dinner table to learn about how to butcher meat. I already know how to bugger up fish, and make a mess of vegetables so this will complete my training. Except this is a skills lesson, an introduction to an art most of us don’t practice anymore.